Since coming back to university, I’ve been letting myself slip. I spend too much time in my room and not enough time outside, I doomscroll for hours instead of enjoying my life and despite spending my time doing hardly anything, I haven’t been getting enough sleep. Last night I slept for four hours. In the past week, I haven’t slept any earlier than 1am.

Staying up late is something that I do not regret. It’s time that I get to spend with my friends, which is something I value very much. But on the whole, I feel listless. Other than studying, I don’t have any intentional activities. I lack routine and structure and busyness. One thing about me is that I’m at my best when I’m occupied, and at the moment I have maybe the most free time I’ve had in years. I think that I doomscroll when I lack stimulation, in an attempt to replicate the energy that I feel when I’m busy and occupied.

Another thing that I notice is that the late afternoon/early evening is the time when I find it really difficult to study, which almost inevitably ends in doomscrolling. Now that I think about it, it’s a pattern that’s been present since I was in high school.

There are two things I want to focus on. One is to plan fun, non-studying related activities during my usual period of unproductivity. And two is to fill up my schedule more with other commitments and to try new things.